I've been having the feeling of not getting the best out of me. The simple thought of it makes me succumb to regret. Mediocrity was not a part of my being until things didn't exactly go my way. The Jesuit system and my parents taught me well. The problem was executing the lessons I learned. I am not certain why and how I have came to a point of not working for what I want. I lost my self in all the fury and letting everything go. I lost balance of what my life is all about. I blamed everybody for every mistake I committed. I made the worst decisions and tried to cover it up as if everyone was a fool and not notice my insolence.
I think it is time to get it all out and make the best out of my college life. I made myself a promise. Regardless of the urge for me to shift, I WILL FINISH MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY. I know this isn't exactly what I dreamt of but I'll have to make the best out of it and pursue my dreams afterwards. With this, I will strive to balance my academics. Also I will start to reach out to the activities of my department. Time will tell if I will be able to make waves in the university. I know this will be very difficult because I usually detract myself when things don't go my way. I will keep this note as a reminder that I am doing this because I want change in myself. I must also learn that failure is just a trial of our capabilities. If indeed I am worth anything, I will surpass anything that goes my way.
You'd be seeing less of the girl who has her heart on her sleeves. I've been seeing this as my weakness for the past few years. I don't think it is making me a better person. Yes, I will still be moved and be grateful to those people who helped me in ways more than one. But I will stop crying over spilled milk. I will leave the rubbles of my empty past to make a better future. I need to be stronger, not aggressive and impulsive.
I will make life happen not wait for life to happen. Opportunities have opened for me since last night. There are still a lot of hesitations but I must push myself to be larger than life. I know I might become egoistic as time may pass. I am then asking you to keep me grounded. You people know me. You know who I am and you know my capabilities. You also know how to keep me intact when things go bad. I want to make things happen but I must say these things are only possible with some help. I am open to criticism if you must say so but affirmations are much appreciated.
Hope for the best and I will do my best. Hope things will turn out well and good.
"Hoping is wiser than expecting."
