I am not hurt

talk about denial…

yes! i am hurt…i haven’t been myself for so long.. there has been a pang of loneliness for so long. i didn’t know where it came. i was sure it started so long ago.
i know i am not a very attached person. i don’t really care whether a person leaves. i don’t really mind if you ignore for many years…do it as long as you want. i am that kind of person since i was young. it had it’s good side but also had the adverse effects.
I do miss people…i am still human after all. i wouldn’t just forget everything i’ve gone through…i still have memories. i remember some of the precious moments i had long time ago..

>>i remember the days i went to the beach and tricked my grandfather saying “wala na.,basa na..ligo nako..”
>>i remember my childhood days when i was one of the boys..i even recall having a picture taken with my uncles…
>>i remember getting hit by vehicles because of sheer childish whims..and i laughed after being so.!
>>i remember the days when i got scolded for scraping my knee…
>>i remember the time that i literally flew from a swing.
>>i remember refusing not to be left alone in school because of a trauma i encountered.
>>i remember that i used to hang out with my cousins at my great grandfather’s house(which is in front of cemetery).
>>i remember the time when i deeply loathed my relatives for breaking a very simple promise.
>>i remember the time when we went to Sorsogon and i met a marine biologist.
>>i remember the time i burned our couch because of my carelessness.
>>i remember getting sick because of an unsupervised experiment i conducted.
>>i remember getting in trouble for being a liar(more than once)
>>i remember crying for being alone.
>>i remember hanging out with my friend’s during graduation practice.
>>i remember being treated by bestfriend at mcdo..*sorry but this is special!
>>i remember being so rebellious because of love*i know it’s stupid.
>>i remember losing my parents trust.
>>i remember being tactless just so i could get what i want.
>>i remember being insecure because i wanted physical security..
>>i remember being exploited and devastated.*no pun intended.
>>i remember crying because of distrust.
>>i remember being so depressed because i wanted to turn back time..
>>i remember being lonely because i didn’t get what i wanted.
>>i remember conjuring up ways to kill myself…
>>i remember hating the world because of my weakness.
>>i remember being suicidal because i thought this world is not worth living.
>>i remember promising myself a new start after being a mess.
>>i remember doing my best in everything i did.
>>i remember not regretting a single thing i did…
>>i remember being active in my community*which is my school
>>i remember being capable.,not unworthy and valueless.
>>i remember myself laughing at myself.
>>i remember being able to forgive and love.
>>i remember smiling.*to my heart’s content
>>i remember my mother crying while saying “i offered you to God”
>>i remember committing myself to a serious goal.
>>i remember slowly achieving my goal.
>>i remember being left alone.
>>i remember making the same mistakes as before..
>>i remember crying for simple stuff,
>>i remember alleging my family for leaving me.
>>i remember being somber.
>>i remember being distant.
>>i remember entering a new trance.
>>i remember myself reshaping my goals.
>>i remember trying to build up what i’ve lost,again….
>>i remember coping with emotional vomits.
>>i remember being in love.,again…
>>i remember smiling and having fun…
>>i remember laughing….
>>i remember being there for my friends..
>>i remember i did well.
>>i remember being secured without physical security.
>>i remember being focused on my goals.
>>i remember dreaming that my dreams are becoming reality..
>>i remember looking up the night sky and thought of my past
>>i remember telling myself the night sky is my past shedding light thousand of years ago to shine for me.
my memories mold me into a person no one can ever decipher.,
i am a person of my own and so are you…
my memories shaped my goals, dreams, dislikes and fears…
if you can decipher my memories then you know me too well.

*a post from FS and FB about a few years back.